The other night I had a dream. Instead of falling into the abyss I took flight.

In full control over my body I was able to zoom through the air, twisting and turning at a whim. Beneath me I saw hills and forests, a path leading down from the mountain to a small town further away. More green mountains at the horizon. It was quite beautiful.

In a later scene I easily landed. Right in the middle of a group of people I know. No-one had noticed a thing which left me rather satisfied.

While my dream seemed innocent enough at the surface, I later realized lifting myself above everyone else without them noticing, might actually be quite arrogant. Talking it over further with my friend, she pointed out that this dream seemed to mirror my everyday life. Secretly feeling pleased to be able to see things others do not. And not sharing any of that knowledge. Instead rather gleefully watching things going wrong because of that.

I am not proud of that realization. While the truth was a relief at first, I tugged everything away again over the last week. Making myself numb and rigid. Working and thinking too much, eating too much sugar and greasy stuff, topping it off with a couple of too many beers.

I felt quite bleak waking up Saturday morning. Headache, tired, my body achy. Then I picked myself up and dug myself out. After a walk, some meditation, the hangover subsiding, I finally faced my reflection: „So yes, this is it – bitterness, anger, arrogance. Just get on with it. It is not the end of the world but the beginning of knowing more about myself. Truly yours….“