I was chatting with a friend a few days ago talking about moving back here. She had returned about a year ago and described her experience like this: „I was at risk to loose myself completely. I had already lost some parts of myself that are only resurfacing now. I am starting to feel like myself again, just recently.“
Somehow I know exactly what she means. The places where we choose to live seem to have a profound effect on our identity or better how we perceive ourselves and possibly others.
There are a few things that I stopped doing when I left my home. Like writing, making music, dancing, taking photographs. At different times and for different reasons, I thought, but then again not really. It related to a profound loss of self, which I am now reclaiming and rediscovering.
For about 15 years I only wrote into my diary on my very bad days. Now I write again because I love it! I enjoy every minute of it and I want to do it more often. Actually, I had to re-learn how to do something just for the joy of it, not because I am trying to become the best at it, plan every detail for the next 10 years or earn a living. My son helped me a great deal with that. He is my biggest teacher after all.
Sometimes it can be so refreshing to just do without having to ask why and when and for what.
I also go out dancing a lot these days. On my own. Just because I love love love dancing…